Author: Bill

  • The Big Overhaul

    The Big Overhaul

    Picture this: I’m winding down after a long day at the lodge, savoring a frosty Kettle House Double Haul (talk about a well-earned reward!). But here’s the twist: today wasn’t your typical lodge day. It was a whirlwind of code, coffee, and creative collaboration that resulted in…a brand new Web Lodge!

    It all started innocently enough. A morning coffee at Break Espresso (gotta fuel the creative engine, right?), soon morphed into a deep dive into the lodge’s digital domain. I was on a mission: bring back the classic theme, the one that holds so many memories. But why stop there? A little sprucing up never hurt anyone, right?

    Cue Lynn, our resident design guru, dropping by with her magic touch. One brainstorming session later, we were conjuring up “little cool gadgets”: imagine tiny, curious eyes peeking at you from the top bar whenever you’re online with another lodge member! Talk about adding a playful touch!

    So, step inside and take a good look around. We’re still fine-tuning some fonts and headings, but let’s be honest, the lodge is practically ready for a house party! Don’t you think? The best part? We want to hear your thoughts! Whether it’s a thumbs-up for the crawly eyes or a suggestion for a different font, your voice matters. Let’s make this new Web Lodge a space that reflects our community’s personality!

    Cheers to creative collaborations, delicious post-work beers, and of course, a Web Lodge that keeps evolving and thriving. Now, who’s up for a virtual dance party under the watchful gaze of our new digital buddies?

  • Time To Pay The Bills

    Time To Pay The Bills

    Good morning! Here I am, blogging away while I wait for my sluggish internet connection to cough up just a handful of bytes so I can open my Google spreadsheet, the one with my ever-so-lovely list of bills I owe. It’s one of those mornings when I’m still feeling the effects of last night’s Pattee Cake Ride. Yeah, I’m moving a bit slower, but hey, it’s worth it. Funny enough, this was actually my first real workout since I started racing three times a week. Now, with only three races left in the season, I’m focused on staying race-ready. Next one’s in Helena, two weeks out, countdown is on.

    … fast-forward to bill-paying time … Bills are squared away, and now it’s off to work on this frosty, chilly morning. But tonight? Starry Night Ride is on! Hope to catch some of you there.

    Oh, and as a bonus: tonight’s also Missoula’s Festival of the Dead Procession downtown. Definitely worth a look if you’re around. And don’t forget, tomorrow’s First Friday Gallery Night, great excuse to swing by after a couple of Kettle House pints. Cheers to that!

  • In The Dark

    In The Dark

    Good morning! With the state champs behind me and a week off from racing I am sitting here yelling at Marcy to stay out of the toilet. She is always trying to drink out of the toilet and I don’t know about you but I don’t want to be hugging a toilet drinker. I just freaked out the readers that thought that Marcy was my girlfriend . he he!

    I have a coffee sitting off to my right. I am using my cycling shoe as a coffee cup holder as I sit on the couch with my lap top. Speaking of laptops, I just blogged last nights dream [click here for todash ]. Last night I started working out in the dark. I went running at Waterworks Hill with Marcy.

    Today is rent and bills day. I really hate these times and specially today. Last weekends trip to Kalispell really put me in the hole. Specially since my last paycheck did not cover my expenses.

    Yea work! Every day I get asked, “What are you working on? Are you billing for it? Bill for it.” I am being harassed and interrogated constantly even though I have things to work on and quite frankly doing a better job than they think. I do not know how long I can take this constant harassment and not getting paid for my efforts.

    So yea; I am waiting. Waiting to find out what all this is for in the grand plan. Everything else is in place except for my job. I am still going through change and must be patient and accept that all this is a part of the big story of my life.

  • MT Cross Champs

    MT Cross Champs

    Hello from a frosty Missoula Montana where it is only about 13 degrees outside. Butte Montana is below zero at this hour and my luck seems to be getting frosty as well. It all started when I received a paycheck that had been docked a few hundred dollars to penalize me for losing the company money (not my fault, just a fall guy). Then everything started to snow ball; tail lights in car breaking, STI levers on bike breaking, Undercarriage on car damaged, new wheels busted, cycling coat zipper break, cycling booties breaking, and a 3 hour walk home last night after hitting a pot hole on my cross bike.

    Whew, is that enough bad news or what? Well let me begin with Sunday as I traveled to the State Championships in Kalispell. Let me take you through the last 48 hours. Then Ill sum it all up with some thoughts. In the meantime enjoy the pictures to the right of the Mens A Race.

    I knew the day was beginning wrong when I stopped for fuel at Muraults Travel Plaza just off I90 on the road to Kalispell. I am standing there waiting for the fuel nozzle to click off when I got distracted for only a moment only to be brought back into focus with this weird sound. It was fuel spilling all over my car and down the street. By the time I stopped it I had spilled about 3 gallons of fuel. It was all over me and my car. I waited for it to evaporate off the ground and tried to clean up my car.

    After an exhausting trip through some of the worst construction on the planet I arrived at th venue. The champs were being held at an equestrian training field. An excellent place for a cyclocross race. I quickly discovered the damage the the fuel spill had taken on my car. The fuel had done something to the plastic parts and the mini tail lights cracked and broke. The right side mini light was hanging by its wires off the side of my car. To hold it back in I used black tape and to this time it remains tapped. It stands in a long line of other parts needing to be replaced on that German engineered (VW Sucks!) piece of crap. More like the darn thing was made by Wal-Mart (Wal-Mart Sucks!) !

    Ok, time to settle down and tell you about the great day that was unfolding before me. The sun was out and it was nearing 65 degrees. After a couple warm up laps I had to strip down to my race kit because I was roasting. It looked like it was going to be a truly nice day.

    The course was great and resembled a cross country course more than a cyclocross course. It had 5 sections and the rest was spread out at around 2.5 to 3 miles long. It was real long for a cyclocross course.

    The first section was the run up. It occurred right at the start only 3/4 miles from the gun. It was a short but steep run up that was made even more tricky by the barrier at the bottom and before that a corner … a high speed corner. This was a 15 MPH dismount at the very least. Very fast!

    The second section was the double barriers around 1 mile into the course. These again were right after a bridge and slight corner. Not too tricky but once again at a reasonable amount of speed. These barriers really stirred things up for the Mens A race.

    The third section occurred right after the barriers and was a short sand section. This was not a factor at all because the crossers being a smart bunch soon learned that if you carried your speed right straight across you could hook up on solid ground to the far side and ride around the sand pit.

    The fourth section was 1.5 miles later near the end of the course and was potentially another run up. Instead if you had the right gearing you could ride right up the incline but not at a very fast speed. I saw a A rider run up it faster that I rode it.

    The last section was in the woods about 3/4 mile from the finish. This was a triple barrier set and run up combination. This nice little section began with a small down hill to a corner dismount. Then the barriers were scattered along a slight incline for about 25 yards. I found it best to shoulder the bike.

    At the beginning of the race I noticed that the Masters catagory would be one of the largest fields of the day. There were 4 or 5 Flathead Cycling riders and I instantly knew there would be team tactics involved. This would be a hard race but I decided to keep my wheel glued to a wheel of a man that I knew would be headed to the podium. As we took off I settled in second place behind the leading rider who I fugured I would be battleing for first place with. He missed the next corner and took me with him. Suddenly I found myself in a sea of gasping master riders looking for a position at the front. We approached the first run up and I almost got ran over by everyone as we trounced up the climb. I topped out in real bad position. I took as many back as I could and settled into 6th position.

    As we approached half way around the first lap I saw one competator trying to fix a mechanical. I was now in 5th and I tried my best ot catch others but it all seemed impossable as they were way out front. There were 4 Flatehead Cycling racers in front of me. They seemed to know the course well and was working together to disntance themselves from the rest of us.

    I was finally able to overtake two of the riders in front of me but not before the third place rider crashed right in front of me.

    I figured I was going down but was able to thread my way between him and his bicycle. This all took the pace down and that was just enough for a chasing rider to pass me and put me back into 4th place. I had a chance for third and blew it.

    I did my best to catch the first three the rest of the race but ran out of time and ended up in 4th place even after a pretty decent effort. I was beaten pretty bad.

    Disappointed I stuck around to take pictures of the mens A race and see if they were going 4 deep in awards. Suddenly the weather turned sour. It got cold in fact I believe the temperature dropped as much as 20 degrees. I grabbed my camera and went out to watch the mens A race. It was mostly fun but the old winds and driving rain had me dashing to my car to put on all th clothes that I had brought with me.

    After the end of the mens A race I stuck around like I said in hopes of fourth place recognition. I did not get it as they only went three deep with awards and medals but all was not lost. Someone made fresh soda bread and banana bread. I grabbed a couple pieces and realized that I had brought nothing to recover with. I had to make a dash for home so I could get something to eat. I was broke and out of cash.

    The drive home was very slow as pretty much of the entire trip I was in a construction zone going 35 miles an hour. We were even stopped for an hour while the other lanes could use our lane. At one point I was following everyone else when the detour went off road and across a field. I got high centered and heard a loud banging. I had damaged the undercarriage of my car and could just hear pieces rattling around. I was so upset and almost fed up w
    ith the whole Montana Experience.

    So that was Sunday and one would think that all is well given that I had so much bad luck breaking things. well! It does not end there. After getting yelled at all day at work I decided what I needed was a long ride on my cross bike. As I was leaving my apartment I noticed that my STI levers were broke and I was pre-bummed for the ride. Could things get any worse for two days.

    Just as I was nearing the other side of town a full 4 miles away from the apartment I hit a pot hole. instantly my tire deflates and I stop. I feared the worst as my new wheels are new and how could I do this to a new set of wheels for the second time (last time I ruined a brand new set of Rolffs in Pattee Canyon). I tried to air up a new tube using my cartridges but it just discharges into the extremely cold night air. By now it was a frigid 15 degrees out. My rims are areo and are deeper than normal so the valve stem was not long enough on my replacement tube. I screamed some profanities and started to walk home.

    After a little while I figured that I could walk better without my booties. When I tried to remove them the zipper broke. Now I was mad. Then to make things worse I went to take my jacke t off to stuff the rear pocket with my booties and the zipper in the jacket busted. I couldn’t zip up.

    So there you go the rest of the night I walked home and fell asleep on my apartemnt floor. I am finally thawing out and recovering from yet another Bill Martin adventure.

    Tonight I think i am safe to just go do laundry but you never know. It is haloween after all!

  • Going to Kali

    MapGood morning, I just finished my breakfast of Morningstar Farms Sausage, hashbrowns, and cheesey eggs.

  • Pumpking Carving

    Good morning from the Break Espresso in Missoula Montana. I just got done with my caramel roll and coffee and also was able to upload a picture [ click here ] of a result of last nights festivities. Last night my friend hosted a pumpkin carving party and I do believe this is the most prestigious carving party to be invited to in the greater Missoula area.

    So I ran over to Le Petit Outre to cash in my winnings from last Wednesday's series win to get a loaf of bread. Then I gathered up some olive oil, found some balsamic, and bought a pumpkin.

  • First Place Tie In Mens A

    Good evening from the chilly and dark streets of Missoula. Just returned from the concluding race of the Wednesday Night Cyclocross Race Series, securing a fourth-place finish. This result places me in a tie for the top spot in the Men’s A series standings.

    Despite the deceiving sunshine, the ride out to Fort Missoula was met with biting winds. I did a few laps around the course to warm up, finding the setup not too shabby, hinting at potential experimentation for the upcoming Montana Series Races here in three weeks.

    The course featured a short run-up and an engaging slalom section with four hairpin turns, stretching out with lengthy road stretches and bumpy flats. Opting for a larger gear, I managed to glide over the rough patches smoothly.

    Post-race, as results were announced and series champions named, there was a moment of suspense before the tie for first place in the Men’s A series was revealed. To my surprise, my name was called out alongside another as co-winners. A mix of shock and pride washed over me, especially as I was awarded some Kettle House brew and free bread from Le Petit Outre. An exciting end to the series!

  • Lessons From The Trial

    Lessons From The Trial

    Now and again I think of things while I am riding the single track deep in the woods. This is my classroom and temple. Last night as I was coming back into town with a big golden sunset in my face I had some thoughts I thought I would jot down in my blog. I am coming off success in the Montana Cyclocross Series (1st place right now). Today’s big thought is about opening the door to live’s biggest gifts. When I open my self up to success I sometimes get it. Can we compare that strategy to love as well.

    I say open ourselves to love and success that is available to us. You can climb that mountain!

    Fossil fuels run out but there is an endless supply of love and success.

    When were are open to this abundant supply we will receive it and we may find it coming from unique places … including from ourselves.

    Love heals our hearts and success strengthens it. Our needs get met and our spirits are then able to fly. I can ride strong and fast.

    We can deny these things no longer. Of course these things I write in my blog but can I open the door to receive my own suggestions?

  • Sun Missing and Cross Results

    Good morning from Missoula Montana where the sun refuses to come up and I have just finished off my breakfast and now working on a cup of coffee. The sun refuses to come up because it is sleepy and yesterday it had that day off (sick day). We all hope the sun gets better soon and returns in our lives. we appreciate the sun e, even in the winter. Get well Soon! Yesterday I did my best to spark a little sunshine in my life and it came in the form of a good placing (cyclocross) I had in last nights Wednesday Night Cyclocross Race Series .

    Even though an ass hole customer at work has enjoyed a reign over my happiness I was able to break though the negativity coming out of Washington state to place fourth at the scramble in the rain last night. This week’s course had two barrier sections, two hill climbs (one steep), and even one run up. It also was laced with two down hills one which took a racer out right in front of me. Lets hope that racer recovers and returns to the race scene soon. There is nothing more exciting that sketching down a gravel pile in rain; the rocks slippery like a jar of pickled eggs.

    So the race started and I took my usual place in the back. the entire lap I lost ground and when I came around to the start finish line I was far back and probably the farthest I have ever been. I did not panic

    In fact I really didn’t care. I got first place last weekend and I figured I would relax and enjoy this one. Then the B riders and fellow masters caught me and passed. This was the last straw. I was not going to let that go. I stepped it up a notch and started to rein them in one lap at a time. It was 4 laps to go when I decided to take charge of my race.

    On the forth lap I battled it out with this ass hole mountain biker. I have never seen this guy in any mountain bike races so I know it was a road racer on a mountain bike. This guy hates me, every time I pass him he puts every ones life in danger and pulls these ass hole stunts to get back by. This guy is weak and doesn’t last long. Tonight I had no patience and passed him back and in the same fashion he took me back. It almost resulted in crashing an innocent competitor and I apologized as I cut to the inside.

    So now I was passed the ass mountain bike guy. All I had left was the leader of the B group and master rider. On the third lap I took him and also picked off a A rider in the process. I took off as fast as I could muster and it worked. They just let me go. All I had to do was hold on.

    Though out the second lap I lead a bunch of people and there was no one in front of me to pass so I just tried to keep it smooth. So smooth that on the last lap I felt like maybe I relaxed a bit too much and felt pressure from behind. I attacked the barriers and hills. On the last set of triple barriers I accidentally stepped on one of them and I crashed. It was at substantial speed so my bike shot into the air and landed about ten feet from me. I picked up the bike and the handle bars were bent and the brakes were twisted. I started to repair.

    Just as I got back going the entire group was passing me back. Then I got on and my chain was off. I peddled frantically and luckily the chain caught the ring and jumped back on. I took off after all the guys I just passed.

    On the last run up the leader of the master group broke his saddle and I decide to get back what ii had lost. I charged to the finish line catching everyone that I was leading over except for 1 A rider. If I would not have crashed I would of places 3rd.

    Now it is Thursday and if I can survive not getting fired and can go cash in my prize from last night I might be able to make a party that I was invented to but had to decline due to a hardship I am experiencing. Tally ho and get well soon sun!

  • Big Win in Bozeman

    MarcyI am finally home and putting things away and at the same time watching Sunday Night Football. I arrived about an hour ago and sat down to enjoy yesterday's winnings a big sandwich from Starky's. Starky's is a sandwich shop in Bozeman that makes a pretty big and tasty sandwich. More of that later. I thought I would get out a blog to announce a winning effort and what I had to overcome tin today's Cyclocross race. I better get to the story because I still have chores (grocery shopping) to do tonight.

    I left off from my last blog as the sun went down in Big Sky and I was about to head out to find a camping spot. Well I did find a camping spot but only after climbing about 4,000 feet into the mountains. The snowy peaks were right next to my window as the partially full moon lit them up for me to star at and fall asleep. I awoke to a pretty frosty morning and a big trip down the hill to the road back to Bozeman.

    Run DownAfter a small stop at McDonalds (hey it worked for me yesterday) I arrived in Bozeman to look for a little park on Main street. I found it without getting too lost and again i arrived early. I took Marcy for the run around the course and she gave it a big paws up. There was one interesting section where you had to dismount and run down some layers of rail road ties. The terrain included everything but mud. There were sidewalk sections as well as a small hill climb.

    At the beginning of the race I felt a little uneasy and told myself to just go out and have fun while at the same time try to keep with the leaders as much as passable. I was also nervous about my chain dropping problem. The race started and the pace seemed reasonable. It seemed that no one wanted to go out on their own so I took the lead. Later on my competitor said that I passed so fast he decided he couldn't follow.

    brokenI did not feel as strong as it appeared and the usual hard breathing and pain arrive right on schedule. I attacked the first hill climb and zipped across a street. I kept getting lost and I could feel the competition catching up. I was like a confused rat. I jumped off my bike to do the run down and heard a weird clinging sound. I thought, "shoot there goes my chain again".

    I put the bike down and the chain was not off the ring so I jumped on and peddled off. The clanking got louder and louder. Obviously I had broken a spoke. I was very disappointed that I finally had a chance to win and I would DNF. I rode on.

    I rode as if nothing was wrong because what could I do. As long as that back wheel would turn I would peddle on. On the next lap I went to the climb hard and the spoke went into my chain and derailed the chain. I put it on. it came back off. I lost about 15 seconds messing with it trying to get it all working again. Finally I got going again.

    Each lapped I prayed that the wheel would hold up. I caught and passed numerous A racers and on the one lap bell I felt like I was going to win. I rode it in and felt very lucky the back wheel held up missing spokes. Lucky for me the spoke wrapped around the other side away from the chain ring and I was able to keep going. I won the race!

    Around the hubThis race was not as lucrative as Saturdays race but I did get a new floor pump. It would of been nice to get gas money. The big reward was finally getting some results for this seasons hardships. I calibrated at Starky's with a big sandwich. I was able to get two sandwiches, some tea, a bag of Boulder Chips, and 2 monster cookies with my gift certificate I had won the day before.

    Unfortunately I could not find a wireless hot spot to blog earlier so I now site here blogging away and ready to wrap things up to go grocery shopping.

    On the way home I stopped in Butte and drive um Montana Street and then over to the college. I was looking for a coffee shop to blog in and grab some coffee to keep me awake for the final leg home. After driving around sight seeing Marcy and I grabbed some gas and headed home.

    Well that's about it! I am happy to announce a win and a second place this weekend. What is next … finding a new wheel. This one is probably done for good. I hope everyone had a great weekend!

  • From Big Sky Montana

    How cool is this? I am sitting in Big Sky with a wireless connection and blogging my heart away while at the same time munching a real good banana nut muffin. I am at the Hungary Moose Deli in Big Sky and the scenery out the window is spectacular. The race is over and I have good news to report. It all began around 5:30 this morning. The alarm sounded and I did not want to get up and drive to Big Sky.

    I finally packed the car complete with my feather bed for the camp out in the car that would take place later tonight. I packed up my dog Marcy, the bike, tools, and headed out. But first I had to stop at McDonalds for a quickly breakfast. I got the big breakfast with bacon instead of sausage. I ate it as I drove to Big Sky.

    I did get out of town late but I did not panic and even stopped in Butte for some gas and some coffee. I almost dozed off once and had to battle direct morning sunlight in my eyes for a while. Soon the Mountains appeared and I drove to them.

    I arrived at Big Sky with the sun shining and the air a crisp 38 degrees. I was a little early so I walked the course and went for a bike ride up to the Blue Moon Cafe to make sure it would be open after the race. I was here before with some friends after a mountain bike race.

    The race took place right in Big Sky at a community park. It included two barrier sections both on grass (good for the knees). It had a nifty run up and some brutal rock sections. It also had some pavement and a climb up through some wood chips. The climb was brutal and real hard. On the top you had to dismount and jump some barriers. It was extremely difficult. The course also had a long trail sections with a real sharp turn where both wheels drifted. Fast and exciting.

    My race started and we rolled out pretty slowly at an easy pace but as we all know that would not last long. Soon there was a break. I tried to answer and dropped my chain after the first run up. What a bad start. I finally caught back up to third but the first place guy had taken off. I passed second place and dropped my chain a second time. I repaired and set out to catch up once again. I decided that first was now out of the question so I held a steady pace to the end. I got 2nd place.

    The awards ceremony was great. I laid back to enjoy the sun and we relaxed beside a rushing stream. Marcy whined as usual because she wanted to run free. I got my award and was please to get some cash to go eat at the Blue Moon with and have some extra for gas and breakfast. That part was great. I also won a gift certificate for a deli in Bozeman for 20 bucks. Before I come home tomorrow I will stock my car with deli goods.

    After the race I went to the Blue Moon cafe for some chili and pizza. I meet some other competitors from this area and at with them at their table. It was nice to meet some new folks. After that Marcy and I took a scenic drive up to the resort and then towards Yellowstone Park.

    So here I sit, getting sleepy by the moment. I am content and really enjoying the area and the mountains. As soon as I sign off I am headed just up the road to Moose Meadows Camp Ground or something near there. I am planning on sleeping in the car. This morning I converted it to a camper complete with featherbed.

    Tomorrow I will sew up the weekend by going into Bozeman for race number 4 of the series. I am hoping for another good result so I can get a solid hold on a top place in the standings.

    So signing off for now as the sun is starting to warm the mountains with a more golden glow as it dips down to the horizon. It will be getting dark soon so I better go find a camp spot. This is Bill signing off from Big Sky.

  • Ready For Big Sky

    I just repaired my back wheel again this time doing some bending and twisting and re-tensioning. It looks pretty good and there is no weak spots. I looked all over town tonight with my friend for a wheel but only settled on a big ol bowl of Ice cream. That means I must race … to work it off.

    So I am going to bed now at 11:30 in hopes of getting up at 5:30 to set off on a journey to Big Sky Montana for the 3rd race of the Montana Cyclocross Series where I think I firmly reside in 4th place (unofficially).

    My plans are to race in Big Sky Tomorrow and then camp out along the road in my car. If I can brave the frigid temps I will arrive in Bozeman bright and early for Sundays race which is the 4th in the series.

    I hope to return home with my trusty side kick Marcy (my dog) on Sunday evening. See you all then and if I find a WI FI hot spot I'll blog there!

  • Keeping From Getting Lapped

    Keeping From Getting Lapped

    This morning I feel sore and weary. It does not reflect how well my race went last night. No! I did not win but I did not do bad either. Before the race I had my doubts. The bruise where I pulled my muscle had become swollen and wiggly like it was full of water. My leg looked like a over weight persons leg. What is good is that I did not get lapped and in fact I got 6th place in the Mens A (equivalent to expert/pro).

    Tonight is the Thursday Night Ride and we are heading out to the rattlesnake area. I plan to ride out there and maybe get a ride back. I could just take my lights too. Have you guessed the season. It is getting dark before the end of the rides now and I am even going to wok in the dim light hours at 8.

    This weekend is a big question mark. I was planning on going to Bozeman for the cross races (MBRA 3 & 4). The problem is my read wheel and my rear derailleur. Last weekends crashes had left me with a bike that is actually falling apart. The rear wheel is tacoed and the rear derailleur has about 3 inches of play (the connecting bolt housing is elongated). On top of all that I think my chain ring is worn out in the front and I am having a hard time un clicking from my pedals which means I may need new cleats.

    So this weekend is coming and I must get the bike ready. I have no cash in the bank except for the money i was going to use to go to Bozeman. It looks like I may have to just sit this weekend out, heal, and order bike parts instead.

    Have a great day all you humans!

  • Always In the Chase

    Chasing Down The Truth I woke up this morning feeling better than I would have figured given the fact that when I went to bed last night the big bruise on my thigh was really disturbing. It is particularly disturbing because it is from a muscle pull. Last weekend I was racing with a slight muscle pull when I ripped it good jumping over some barriers. I figure it must be severe to bruise like that. That thought brings me to this mornings topic. Why am I always hurt and why am I always in a martyr?

    Sometimes it seems I may be receiving a payoff from relationships that cause myself distress. It may be feeding into my helplessness or my martyr role. Maybe it feeds my need to be needed, enhancing my self esteem by allowing me to feel in control or mortally superior to the other person. Sometimes I feel alleviated from financial or other kinds of responsibility by staying in a particular friendship.

    I saw a story the other day where a woman said that her father sexually abused her as a child. Then she said, "I went on to spend the next twenty years blackmailing him emotionally and financially".

    So what if I do this to some extent? Just realizing that I may have gotten a payoff from a relationship is not cause for shame. It is not because it is a perfect opportunity for the means to search out the blocks in myself that may be stopping my growth.

    Am I just thinking to much this morning or should I really start thinking about taking responsibility for the part I may be playing in keeping myself victimized. Am I really beat up? I mean I am alive and not in the hospital! I need to look honestly and fearlessly at any payoff that I am getting from my actions and let go … and find the real healing that I am seeking. Only then can I receive the positive, healthy payoff available from my friends. The payoffs I really need!

    So what do you think? Feel free to comment .

  • 2 Races in Missoula

    2 Races in Missoula

    This morning I am sitting at the Break Espresso with not one but two-day olds and a cup of coffee. The day old selection at 6 a.m. is quite good. I scored an almond croissant and a lemon scone. If I wanted I could also score a patented Break Carmel Roll … Yummy! On the way in I drove by the spot where someone was killed last week and to see all the signs and flowers gave me a somber feeling and I was glad that I didn’t bike by this morning (Marcy wanted to go for a ride). It would be weird to go by doing the same thing that ended a life. So let us think about some good stuff; Cyclocross Racing this weekend in Missoula. Today at McCormick Park and tomorrow at Playfair Park .

    I am now just finishing up the almond croissant :)… The first race of the weekend will be at McCormick Park and Osprey Stadium. This will be an exciting event as there will be podium girls, beer, music, and an announcer to get the crowd going. Did I mention that the premier race will be under the lights? I will be in the Masters’ category (hopefully) and will be an hour before that at 6. This is good news for me as Wednesday nights have proven that I can not race cat A, although I like posing as a contender.

    Ok, now I am on to my lemon scone… The second race is Sunday morning at Playfair Park, 3100 block of Russell Street, Missoula. This too is exciting because it is right in Missoula. There is no excuse to miss it! The hard thing about this race is that it is going to be run in under 15 hours from the day before. I like that! Like the tour!

    Ok, finishing things up now. So there you have it a race weekend in Missoula Montana. I am hoping to keep my mind open and erase all the pain from the last two Cyclocross races and focus on some healthier barriers. Trying not to think that I am the slowest crosser in town I will explore the feeling deep down inside that I could be just as fast as the rest of the pack. If not … well, racing is just cool!

  • Death on Higgins


    I’m sorry to hear about the death of Colin Heffernan. It’s a tragedy that a young life was lost in such a way. While I can’t comment on the specific details of the accident, I can say that it’s important for both drivers and cyclists to be aware of their surroundings and to follow the rules of the road. Cyclists should always wear a helmet and ride defensively, assuming that drivers may not see them. Drivers should yield to cyclists at crosswalks and intersections, and should give them plenty of space when passing. If you’re ever unsure about who has the right of way, it’s always best to err on the side of caution.

    According to the Missoulian, Colin Heffernan was hit by a Chevrolet Avalanche while riding his bike near the intersection of Higgins and Beckwith avenues at 9:30 p.m. Tuesday evening. The driver of the Avalanche, a 52-year-old man from out of town, was not injured. The accident is still under investigation.

    The number of times I ride my bike down Higgins Avenue depends on a number of factors, such as the weather, my destination, and my mood. However, I always make sure to follow the rules of the road and to be aware of my surroundings.

  • I Need To Hide Out

    ActionYesterdays Cyclocross race did not go well and I feel like I want to hide under a bush today. I don't want to face others until I have had time to get to the truth of what happened last night. What exactly caused me to get lapped? Well, I don't know; and until then leave me alone. Let me guide myself into truth.

    I will know what I need to know, when I need to know it. i do not have to feel badly about taking my own time to reach my insights. I don't have to force insight or awareness before it is time. This line of thinking can be applied to everyday life as well. So when people are on you to make a decision you have every right to make them wait.

    Yes! Maybe the whole world saw a particular truth in my life, and I denied it … until I am ready to deal with it. That is my business, and my right! My process is my own, and I will discover my truth at the right time, when I am ready, when the experience is complete.

    The most growth producing concept I can develop for myself and others is to allow myself to have my own process. I can give and receive support and encouragement (another hang up) while I go through this process. I can listen to others and say what I think. I can set boundaries and take care of myself, when needed. but I still give myself and others the right to grow at our own pace, without judgement, and with much trust that all is well and is on schedule.

    When i am ready, when the time is right, and when mother earth is ready … I will know what I need to know. Then you can ask me how the race went.

  • The Perfect Trail

    the perfect trailGood morning. I am sitting behind a big plate of my patented potatoes turnover and just finished up a cup of joe. At the beginning of this racing season I had no idea if and how I was going to go to all the races. With my money situation it seemed impossible. Now that the season is winding down i can look back and learn that everything turned out ok.

    Sometimes there is not enough money to pay all the bills and afford any luxuries. Luxuries like real Cyclocross parts! People tell me to make a budget, and I chuckle. The expenses that I need to pay for survival surpass the income.

    I know many of you have lived through this kind of situation. This is not time to panic; this is not time to despair. Looking back to the start of the season I almost did, but in the end, like magic, I did indeed get to race.

    Panic and desperation lead to bad judgement and desperate moves. This is the time to substitute desperation with a belief that all this turn out. It is time to take life one day at a time. It is time to use survival skills and know that my possibilities are not limited by the past or the present. Like in a race, at the beginning if you let desperation take over you'll have a bad race.

    When you start looking down the trail at the things you want to miss you will find yourself hitting them all. On the other hand if you just look down the trail at the places you want to go you will have a much better experience. Money is a necessary part of being alive and living; so does the perfect trail!