Category: Blog Posts

I got up at my usual time of 6 a.m. and headed out for a McDonalds breakfast and then to Liquid Planet to begin the days job search.

In two separate places, McDonalds seemed to be not open, but open at a third. A little annoyed I headed downtown to Liquid Planet. They were not open as well. What is going on? Is it a national holiday today? So here, I sit at home. I would rather be at work right now, but as we all know I must get a job first. I just read an article about how Computer Science work outsourcing and an interview of a local company called ”First Call Computer Solutions“. Actually, it was on IT outsourcing but I feel like the Computer Sciences in general is going to countries like India. I have sent that company my resume and may stop in today. II would like to see how serious these companies are about keeping their hometown eligible workers, working! I am currently also hustling myself to Nelson Temp Agency who were recommended to me by a friend. They seem to specialize in IT worker placement. Let us hope

Today’s good news is that a good friend of mine gave me some venison and elk meat. This is enough for a week’s worth of meals at least. I can make it go further by making goulash and stew. I grew up learning how to make things go further.

I called the woman at LC Staffing, and she said that she is still processing my application. I am wondering if she has run into any snags with Sikorsky. Damn, I hate them. They will not provide a recommendation, and they are such a large corporation that I was just a number.

Tomorrow I have a couple of leads to follow up on. One is with an investment firm, and the others are for labor and lot work. Well, it is getting late again, and tomorrow I must put more energy into the effort.

I got up this morning and came out to do some power searching before following up on some leads today. It’s a gray day outside, which seems to reflect my mood. Not much to say except for wishing myself good luck. I feel some resentment creeping in, so I better get going!

I awoke this morning and was almost late for an interview. It’s almost like I’m giving up. Don’t I care anymore? Well, I made it to LC Staffing on time, and I like them out of all the other staffing places so far. The person told me that they had contacts and to call her tomorrow. I hope they find something.

After that, I came home and went to bed for the rest of the day. I didn’t want to do anything. I’m feeling sad about not getting that job last week. I really wanted it.

I came to my senses around 5 P.M. and took Marcy for a hike up Mount Jumbo. I came home and ate three packages of ramen noodles. I’ve decided now to get online and check my emails.

My next project is the worst. I don’t have any money, and I have to call these companies and tell them I can’t pay. What the heck do I do? Best Buy charges $30 for missing a payment per month. How much do they add on until they realize that I can’t ever catch up? And Sallie Mae for my student loan. I have a feeling that they won’t let $35,000 worth of debt just slide. I wonder what they will do. I wonder if I will end up in jail. That would be better than freezing outside. I don’t know. Better just turn in.

After a night of weird dreams here I am sipping coffee trying to think of what to blog. Yesterday I spent the entire day inside working on some php code for my new blog application (the one I am writing this in now). I am grateful for those that donate to keep the site going. This site may live on as I become homeless and freeze to death this winter. I think that if people keep donating it will have a life of its own. When the funds run out … it will die. Pretty cool if you think about it.

Today I will go night hiking but first I have to sew up my fanny pack that ripped out two days ago. I am still using the old Giant one that I got from Viking back in the day when life was good. Does anyone want a new one that I bought this summer. I hate it, but maybe someone else will like it. Otherwise it will go to trash when I move into my car.

Its cold out, gray and dark. My mood is acceptance and sorrow. Crying doesn't help but it is what I do. Why do things seem so hopeless. I never thought it would come to this.

I just got back from LC Staffing here in Missoula and yet another chance at help with my job search. This is the first place in Missoula that understood about Sikorsky's policy. I have been having problems convincing companies that Sikorsky does not allow any calls concerning job refrences. Here in Montana, if you cannot call your previous employer to get a reference than you must be a person to stay away from.

Well I must check my emails and see if I got any bites from this mornings casts into the employment pond.

The alarm went off at 6 a.m. but I figured, why should I get up. No job, no possibilities, no interviews except one, and no money. What is the use? Today I am sending off a letter to you [link=http://www.youdictate.com]www.youdictate.com[/link] and some of my friends to see if they have heard anything new. Its Thursday so tonight is the night ride. I am not looking forward to it like I usually am because I don't have a job and I am embarrassed. Am I really useless?

My problem is that I have no discipline. Children need discipline to feel secure; so do adults. Discipline means understanding there are logical consequences to our behavior. Maybe that is my problem, I have no logic. Discipline means taking responsibly for my behavior and the consequences. Who was I to think I could have a real fun summer just like in my bike riding days. I had it all back then.

Discipline means waiting for what we want. Discipline means being willing to work for and toward what we want. Discipline means learning and practicing new behaviors. Discipline means being where we need to be, when we need to be there, despite our feelings. Discipline is the day to day performing of tasks, whether these be getting a job behaviors or washing the clothes. I do that just enough for me to look discipline but in reality, I do not!

The biggest part of discipline is the ability to trust that my goals will be reached even though I can not see them. I can not do that! Look at me wanting to kill my self because I don't want to fight any more.

Discipline is grueling. I feel afraid, confused, uncertain. Later on, I am supposed to see the purpose. I do not. I herd from someone that clarity does not come from the time of discipline. Well my question is this – how long must I be disciplined? You can only fight so long. Maybe that is what is wrong with me, no endurance.

The task at hand (unemployment) is simple; trust, listen, and network. Bullshit!

I just got back from meeting with a real nice woman named Debi at Work Force Inc. We had a good meeting and she said that they did not have any Computer Science positions but will work to find one. I told her that in the meantime I wanted anything. Let's hope.

I am also applying at LC Staffing here in Missoula. I have posted an online interview. I want to document it because I feel I should review these questions which most employers are possablily going to ask.

Last night around 9p.m. someone started moving in upstairs. Ten o clock came around and they were still moving in. I wanted to go to bed but it was too noisy. I started listening to a Stephen King book and suddenly I started chocking and sneezing. My apartment was filling up with smoke. Someone upstairs was blowing smoke into the air intake for the heating system. I duct taped all the vents and opened the windows. Keep in mind it is 20 degrees out. I didn't get to sleep until 4 a.m. and now my clothes and my apartment smells like I am a smoker. So I ask you, does it get any worse than this?

I just posted last nights dream in my Dream Catcher blog. Weird that I always dream about lost love. Today I have another interview with yet another temp agency. I just had oatmel and coffee and must now get a snapping. I really wish that ]www.youdictate.com will call me and offer me a job.

Embracing acceptance, I’ve realized that the art of letting go is a step towards serenity. If a relationship is meant to thrive, it will find its way without my forceful guidance. It’s not my role to steer its course.

Acknowledgment dawns that what will be, will be. There’s beauty in the natural progression of a bond, unforced and unmanaged. My intervention won’t accelerate its destiny.

So, to a friend I’ve held dear, I impart a simple wish for a good day. This gesture, no longer laden with expectations, signifies a shift in my energy from effort to ease.

The truth has unveiled itself in stark clarity—it’s been a solo journey of exertion on my part. To give when it’s convenient for another is no exchange—it’s exploitation.

The realization that my generosity has been a one-way street brings no resentment, only a pivot in my attention. It’s time for self-care, for preserving my well-being above all.

And so, with a gentle withdrawal, I step back. Any hurt that follows my silence is not borne of malice but a boundary set for self-respect. I’m finally choosing to see and accept things as they are.

I’m back online after my trip to the laundromat for the usual Monday laundry. While one load was in, I headed downtown to visit Taco DeSoul. Let me tell you, real food tastes incredible when you haven’t had any for a couple of days. As I was leaving, a homeless person approached me and asked for money. I replied, ‘I saved up for a week just to come and eat here.’ ‘I’ll be here with you begging soon enough,’ they said. If I do manage to land a job before I blow away into the wind, I’ll make sure to order an extra taco and share some food with those in need on my way out. It’s a reminder to be grateful for even a single meal in a day

I was just online for a little while before I called VW of America. I was hoping for a job offer, but unfortunately, I didn’t receive one. However, I did get a couple of leads for roofing and office maintenance jobs. Still, with wages at 7 and 8 dollars an hour, I’m faced with the difficult decision of giving up the car. This is a challenging situation. It reminds me of a blog post from back when I first got the car:

SATURDAY, JULY 07, 2001 My car broke down again yesterday, and this time, it was the transmission that gave out. I’m in the process of trying to secure a loan for a new car. I’ve always had a soft spot for the Volkswagen Beetle. Today, I’ll be heading to VW of Fairfield to explore the possibility of purchasing a new car. Stay tuned!

Good morning from the Liquid Planet. I believe today’s blog should start with a nice picture to kick off the week. I woke up this morning, ventured into town for breakfast, answered emails, sent out resumes, and worked on my blog. The weather is pleasant, but my mood seems to oscillate between a sense of uncertainty and acceptance. I can’t wait to have a job; this situation is driving me crazy.

I once read, and I can’t recall who said it, but it goes, ‘To thine own self be true.’ Today, I’m reflecting on my current needs and what it takes to live without a job. What are those needs? Will they be met? How am I feeling, and what steps can I take to address those emotions? What are my feelings trying to tell me about my path and where I need to go?

I’m following my instincts, not the expectations of others. Sometimes, the demands of others can cloud and confuse our instincts. I think I’ve been doing that all summer, and my grandmother can vouch for it. By doing this, I believe I’m staying true to others only because I’m committed to staying true to myself. You can deceive others, but never – never deceive yourself.