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I don’t know what it is. When an endurance junkie like me takes a couple days recovery suddenly life just falls apart.  I am at peace when my schedule is overbooked and I am working out during every sliver of time. But the last couple days have been light and I find myself at home starring at the walls. I turn on “Craig Fergusson” and can’t follow the punch lines. I flip open my laptop and research the latest sports nutrition.


Later on, I find myself in the Bozeman CoOp looking a canister of goat protein. I lean forward and the price tag comes into view. I retreat discussed … $65.00. “Holy Shit”, I internally yell. I whirl around, grab a canister of Spry gum and head to the checkout line.

Back at home I hang my laundry and plop back down on the couch.  I stare at the wall. Flipping on the TV again it is repulsive so I flip it back off and start Pandora on my laptop.  The tunes flood into my apartment and I start wiggling my foot. What should I do?  The music is making my dream of working out and I go to the kitchen to grab a local map. I start pouring over the ridgelines and high points planning tomorrow’s work out.

I can’t stand the music any longer. I turn it off and the urge to go ride starts to subside … a little. I can’t sit down any longer and start pacing around the apartment looking for things to do. I start to lose it and I grab the foam roller starting to do some core routines.

“I am jonesing man”, I say to an imaginary adventure dealer. “I gotta have some stuff”. “I just can’t stand it”.

I have a list of things to do, pay some bills maybe, fix some shoes. But I keep on procrastinating. I have plenty to do but lack the motivation to do them. Didn’t I want extra time to get caught up?  This is the time to get caught up. “Argh”, I smack my head in frustration.

Tomorrow I will get back to the workout grind. Some intense intervals running up the Bridger Range.  And I will have limited time and be as busy as ever; getting ready to travel to Missoula.  And through it all everything will get done tomorrow.  I will work 8 hours, pack the car, do two workouts, and tune up my bikes.  All in one day. Something I cant do now …. because I don’t have my stuff.

“I gotta have some stuff”. “I just can’t stand it”.

One reply on “Junkie”

[…] Again … winter. Again, I was here this morning. Riding my fat bike. I stepped back. I looked up and down the aisle. It was like looking at a mirror in a dressing room. Recursion made it look like infinity. But this really did go on seemly forever. I walked forward to a book that read JUNKIE, six years ago. […]

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