I could continue, I know I could. I have done it before. I paid the price and the rewards have been plentiful. Trophies and ribbons. Gift certificates and praises. I have a entire bookshelf full of rewards. 5 years ago I thought it was enough.
But then I became aware of something more rewarding. Teaming up and sharing experiences. You know, feelings and trust, stuff like that. My friend Jill started the ball rolling. Sharing after work experiences and starting me forward on journeys of self exploration. Mentoring me in blogging and that got my “stuff” out there. Feelings I had to deal with. And then making the decision to be open to sharing my life with someone other then pets. And other friends, Julie, setting up a weekly ride meetup once I was ready. 5 years later racing until one drops seems so silly.
And now I approached West Yellowstone. Sleep deprivation and psyching myself out of the experience had taken its toll. One last crash and now I cant hold on to my handlebars. I had stopped drinking … eating. Not taking care of myself because I was not going to make it anyway … right? I know, a really sour attitude.
Mo was on a street corner in “West” Waving when she saw me coming. I approached and could see the sense of pride and happiness on her face. Usually this sparks something in me …. to go kill myself and go even farther. So that I could get the rewards. Suddenly I realized I had all I needed. Someone to share the experience with. I didn’t need to continue. We would adventure further some other day.
I am looking back now and realize something else. The person who started it all was there … at the race. Jill, my dearest friend. And this year in the 2016 fat Pursuit I sure wish I would of slowed down and spent more time with her. I got all caught up in the race until I came to my senses in West Yellowstone.
I am improving though. It used to take me 320 miles to come to my senses. Now it is just 124.