At the top of my website I used to state “You fall apart just to put things back together with the way you want them“. And now while running up a ridge in the Bridger Range I am beginning to understand what I so carelessly posted.
Little did I know that last weekend’s Barking Spider was the “You fall apart” part. And for most of the middle of the race I did just that, I fell completely apart. As I neared the finish line I decided to try and make the most of it and at least salvage a good finish. I had been pushing the “surge” button with no luck so far but something inside told me to try again. The race up until now was just water under the bridge.
“Please, please, you can do it”, I muttered to myself as I clicked the mental button. I barely had time to lock out my fork and my pace quickened. I just held on to the bars as I jetted past the guy in front of me and sprinted to the line. Overall I was 11th, in cat 1 I was 7th. And my age group … 4th. Not what I expected. On the drive back home later I needed a moment alone and asked the driver of our car to stop and let me go figure things out.
I found a nice spot under a tree and starred out over the river. “I just fell apart”, I whispered to myself.
I collected myself and stepped back into the car. Lots of times I’ll take photos to help distract myself from painful thoughts. The scenery did not disappoint. Snap. Snap. My camera’s shutter was going constantly on the way home.
One last interval up the Bridgers and I gave it all I had. I flew up the mountain surprisingly fast. I reached the top to a marvelous view. As I stand there clutching my knees, bent over trying to catch my breath, I realize something. This is the “put things back together with the way you want them” part.