I have this idea to describe an adventure in a personal ad type of way because during said adventure my thoughts drifted to so many friends and wishing they were present so that I could say, “Wow, isn’t that gorgeous”. Or, “what do you think? should we continue over that ridge”? So for a week I have been wondering what those acronyms really meant so I could title my blog post. Then this morning I was “gently” prodded to post something about last weekend. Plus this will be my only serious attempt at a personal ad. So here it goes

Category: SOLO

Title: Two is a crowd

Body: I am a winey, overly concerned, nervous in a crowd type guy. Not all high maintenance. In fact I feel my best when I can “do it myself” or “self sustained”, sometimes called “self supported”. I love my solitude, mostly, but there are those paths you take in life where it is much richer with someone. Do you love your solitude but can fit in a weekend frolic? I train alone and I think that is my solitude. At times I need to vent about the “day job” but mostly I am outside enjoying the earth in places where I am far from crowds. In the woods mostly.

But after our initial “passionate” phase and we exit the “public groping” days we will do as every couple has done since the dawn of feelings. We will start to find out compatibility. So lets just start there, cut to the slipstream so to speak.

Are you still reading this? Ok, I shall continue …

To me a “life adventure” companion, sometimes referred to as relationship, some call it a “situation”, has these qualities.

Would you mind weekends that instead of relaxing can be so complex, busy, and chaotic? And you wouldn’t mind “planning” on leaving town after I get off work but being so disorganized that in reality we barely get out of town before the sun sets. Driving further then the normal person and putting up a tent in the dark.

How about waking up near canyon walls and a raging river. Nature so loud that we can not sleep in. Then as the sun creeps down the canyon walls discussions erupt on where we will find the next pastry / coffee shop where then I start “hinting” that we should get going so I can make race registration.

Even though I talk a good game I stop to take photos and bask in the beautiful morning scenery. Now it is time for you to to remind me that there is a race today so we better keep hustling down the road.

Do you have time to slip in a mountain bike race here and there so I can “blow out the pipes” and try to impress, inspire, and show my affection by winning races for you. Sounds sick I know … but I think it is noble. Can you put up with that kind of tacky behavior? Do you mind hanging with someone who makes a non gluten bun out of potatoes salad for the free hot dog served at some races? You must be patient because I am usually involved in some kind of award exchange. So bring a good chair.

And when I don’t win, can you put up with statements like “I suck” and “This is my last race” for many hours. You must know that adventure heals the wounded and prod me to take “the long way home”.  And then there is the “slow poking” on the “long way home” to make the trip even longer then necessary.

Did I mention that some “stops” involve hiking away from the car to go see that “cool thing“? Oh yea, if you want to just get home then forget it. This will drive you crazy. Do you appreciate  a diverse route planning schemes while returning home “the long way”along the way?

Are you still reading this? Ok, I shall continue …

Ok, then maybe I will get into the hardest things you would have to put up with. More driving to exhaustion and more night time tent popping. Add to that with my sudden need to bring electronics into the tent so I can “try” to finish reading a friends book draft. Ill just fall asleep though so I am hoping my companion doesn’t give in for the desire to toss the thing out the tent door. Big bonus if you do this too.  I am understanding too because I know you have every right to be pissed when I wake you EARLY to see “some elk standing right over there”.  Yea, so expect a interrupted lifestyle at times.

That brings me to endurance. You cant be surprised when I proudly announce that today, a day after a big race, that I am “riding for a minimum of 6 hours”.  It is optional to go with, just act like it is some kind of big deal.

If you want to go along there are bonuses. You should feel comfortable half-baking route ideas. And those ideas must be completely insane. Turning around and not obtaining goals is optional.  Just realize I tend to continue just a “tad” further then most people would feel comfortable.

Maybe even just a few miles further to ensure “being in trouble” and “if I don’t turn around now might result in a serious situation” starts popping into our heads. But that is if you go. Like I said I am perfectly happy to go on a solitary adventure, just be prepared for a somewhat long wait. Would you mind having a sheet of emergency numbers handy so just in case … ?

Damn are you still reading this? Ok, I shall continue …

When the weather turns to crap would you mind continuing … enthusiastically? You are encouraged to become comfortable with the “slog”  How do you feel about snow slogging for 4 hours?

You should feel “OK” when we encounter a trail sign and embark suddenly to “see what’s up there”.

How are you at making excuses for extended adventure like “to warm up a little” or “raise my body temperature so I don’t pass out while riding in freezing rain”?

I can say that I do know when it is time to turn around. Even when the trail looks so delicious that to tear away from it’s engaging adventure is like ripping my heart out and kicking it off the ridge. I can turn around. Specially when we have climbed 1,500 feet in 40 minutes and the body temperature is STILL dropping.

I hope your stout … the ride down finishes most.

Can you open locked doors without the use of your fingers combined with hypothermia convulsions. Some guys, I have heard anyway, like women that can do exotic things … um … “things”. You know.  But not me.  If you can unlock the car, take down a tent in a down pour, and pack two bikes without the feeling in your extremities all while shivering uncontrollably … well, I think is very sexy.

It is not all hardships. After helping to save my life you can sit back and enjoy 6 hours of driving through some of thee most beautify country side one can find. We could knock off the drive in 4 without stopping, but that comes to my final requirement. Every town has something cool in it. Every town has a place with “snacks” and free Wi-Fi. So how are you with town-hoping back home that after a while seems like a entire vacation in itself. Point being, don’t expect to be home until midnight mostly.

Do you like packing a lifetime of adventure into a weekend. Call me. I am looking for a Single Outdoor Loving Ochlophobist.