Tears on a top tube

It is upon us. The weekend that my friend Ross and I have been waiting for. It is the 2011 Devils Slide Mountain bike Race weekend. This is one thing we look forward to every year. It is all about spring time temps, camping out for the first time, and comforts of good friendships. And it is finally here.

Also I have a nice blue bike to hit the trails with and great support from sponsors and teammates. I have been starting fresh in many aspects of my life with a new apartment and location in town. All is good. But why then was my top tube wet with tears when I arrived at work this morning? Sometimes the emotional part of my brain fails to send out the memo what is going on. Then one day I realize to what extent I care about other people.

Hmmm, lets rewind a little …

The fresh snow crunched under my tires and I didn’t care. Tomorrow I would be headed for a place I could ride in the dirt or at the very least mud.  But not snow. So the snow wasn’t a big deal and besides it was beautiful morning. I had my iPod shuffle cranked and the scenery was fabulous. Then the next song started. The song was familiar. Then the words hit me.

“… You should have been here last night and heard what the big dipper said to me …”

The song’s lyrics really are not that emotional, relevant, or anything like that. I liked it because a good friend also heard it and sent it because it reminded her of me. It has been on my list ever since and every time I hear it I chuckle about the reference to the Big Dipper. The Big Dipper which in my blogs stood for a friend the very same friend that sent it to me.

I remembered when that association started. High on Borah Peak as we discussed state flags and why the Alaskan state flag is so cool. Then a week later riding back to Missoula from a trip up University Mountain I looked over and saw the huge constellation perched over Mount Sentinel. I stopped to point it out to my friend.  So I used the association to write up a couple nice blogs. Some of my best blogs I think. Lots of deep self discovery type bloggy stuff.

The song was over and already a new tune was playing. Modest Mouse I think, something about life goes on (Float On). All in all the commute went by like a flash and at some point I was so engrossed in memories that I may have crossed a couple roads without getting hit. Who knows, my vision was blurred anyway. I was in a place that didn’t care about the realities of the moment. Just memories. Damn, I had sobbed the entire way to work this morning.

Tonight I say goodbye to a close friend. I have said this before, just before the Borah Peak weekend in fact. But for some reason this one is the most difficult to date. Maybe one day the frontal lobe will get the memo from the  temporal lobe. Stop biking on auto pilot stupid because according to Modest Mouse we will all float on ok.

But the weekend is upon us. The race season starts. Good times ahead. New bike. Fresh season. I know I will be fast because I have a lot to work out of my system.

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