Listen, I’m not one to brag, but unlike some temperature-sensitive humans around here (cough, lazy cough), I could practically do a polar bear plunge in this weather without flinching. So what if the weather report reads like a dystopian novel with Butte’s high tomorrow resembling a walk-in freezer set to “Arctic Blast”? My internal furnace runs hot, baby! Besides, according to my highly accurate squirrel-whispering skills, it’s gonna snow too. Snow! Can you say winter wonderland without frostbite?
But let’s talk about this morning’s adventure, a testament to my steel-wool constitution and the occasional absurdity of office life. Biking to work in this deep freeze? Piece of cake. Except, when it comes to buying stamps at work – a perk supposedly offered to us productivity paragons – things get weirder than a penguin wearing roller skates.
This lovely colleague, bless her vacationing soul, usually handles our stamp needs. But today, her desk stood vacant, leaving me and my important correspondence high and dry (metaphorically, of course, because let’s be honest, who even writes letters anymore?). So, ever the efficient soul, I inquired, “Who’s the new stamp overlord?” You know, a simple question deserving a simple answer.
Instead, I got a response worthy of a koan master: “Albertsons.” Albertsons?! Why even offer stamps at work if the answer to their absence is always “go to the grocery store”? Did someone forget to inform the stamp fairy that convenience was part of the job description?
Look, I’m not judging. Maybe the stamp gods were on vacation too, or perhaps the filing cabinet swallowed the key to the magical stamp drawer. All I know is, I braved the elements on two wheels only to be sent on a wild goose chase to the frozen tundra of the local supermarket. Talk about a plot twist worthy of a Netflix documentary.
But hey, on the bright side, it’s gonna be ridiculously cold and snowy! So, while the rest of you delicate humans huddle indoors with your space heaters and hot cocoa, I’ll be out there, embracing the elements, living my best sub-zero life. Just call me the Ice Ninja of Efficiency, vanquishing bureaucratic confusion one shivering quest for postage at a time.
ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY
- 2002: Back From Montreal
- 2002: Blog From Plattsburgh
Boneshakerbike 
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