Times are tough and just getting to work is an entire realm of thought. Can I afford the calories of riding my bike (food)? Should I take my car? It usually comes down to riding my bike but the starvation is taking its toll. I barely get home and feel awful, getting more depressed every day that I don't eat right. Then when I get some food I sit down and don't stop eating until it is all gone. Last night someone gave me money for food and I ate until I got sick. I cant help it. I am craving something. Real food, not hot dogs and Ramen noodles. Starvation is awful.

Thanks god I am getting help from friends and family. Last week it was a friend from the internet that sent me some money to help me pay my phone bill. Yesterday a co-worker and supervisor Mike brought me a bag of frozen game meat. The magnitude that this helps out is huge. This week I also received some relief from grandma. Thank you grandma. It is amazing what I can do with a little money. The important things at this point. Food, a little gas and maybe if I can find a buy, some oil for my car which used to be new.

It is now old going without an oil change for 6 thousand miles. The tank is always empty and when I put in a dollar to go to the laundry mat, the alarm still sounds (tank empty). I did some meditation this morning and realized something else; my body is like my car. Depleted of nutrients and in need of some exercise.

I have not exercised in a week and I must not let this continue. I guess today's thinking cap is geared toward the question: How can I exercise and not need additional calories (food).

All that said I must today give thanks. Thanks that I have family and friends that I can fall back to in time of distress. Even though I brought all this to myself, they are still willing to help me out. That is truly something to be thankful for.