Author: Bill

The cool crisp morning air rushed past my helmet and I road out of the Absaroka Beartooth Wilderness to a rising sun. My goal was simple; to ride around to the next drainage and then back up over on some sweet single-track. No expectations other than that. None. And it was quite possible I would have to bike back the way I was headed. Who knows.  Just a general plan.

The journey, and I am talking about life here, is so freaking brutal when I have some expectations. I heard once that the less expectations you have the happier you will become. What ever. Gosh … I need to come up with more words for life. I am getting bored talking about life as “The Journey”, even though it is. How about “The Ride”.

So my “Ride” had no expectations. Just wonder. I wondered if I would get to the trailhead in enough time to continue. My cutoff was 2 hours. And I wondered if I would find the trail over the ridge. And would I actually make it before I am missed. I don’t know. And why is my favorite flower colored yellow anyway? Too much wonder.

After 3 hours my ride I was in good position on “The Ride”. It took me past the trailhead and over the ridge. All I had to do is ride down the other side. Better yet I had already rode on this side so I knew I would come out ok. No more wonder. I expected to be home before lunch.

Just as I pointed the bike West I felt the front tire give and knew immediately it was going flat. No matter I will fix it. And I did. Then I crashed. I picked myself up and continued. Then my tire went flat again. And I started to wonder if I would make it out at all.

Frustrated I leaned my bike up against a tree and sat beside one of the Nurses Lakes. The day before I came ripping through here without incident. Today it wasn’t so smooth. And it was because “The Ride” went from no expectations to the expectation that everything would go smoothly on the way down. And now it wasn’t. And my ankle hurt from dumping the bike off a switchback. But who cares … right? Just extra time … pifffttt. Just take the lumps and continue on.

Soon I was riding through a glorious forest of aspens and forgot about my problems.  I picked up speed and ripped down the side of the mountain pass. I shouted with glee at the valley below. Base camp here I come.

“The Ride” worked out just fine as I glided through the meadow at the bottom of the valley. What is the use of expectations anyway? Doesn’t things always work out? Isn’t it always fun?  What do you expect anyway?

What the hell is up with moon photos on my last three blogs? None of your freaking business.

Anyway I drank coconut water all last night and am on my second can today. I am feeling a bit better. And my SpO2 has gone up 2 percentage points. Recovery in full swing. last night I had flu-like symptoms but the twinge to ride my bike confirmed that I am well on my way.

So yea; that’s it. Dont have any bright ideas or thoughts now. Just wanted to get this last moon shot up for my viewing pleasure. You see I am all about the pretty things. A perfect blog should have some words and a pretty little picture.  Good day.

I hope no one reads this because I have things to get off my mind. And before you subconsciously judge me by that first sentence; yes a part of me wants others to read it. The magic of blogging you jerk-a-lopes. And there is my current situation. My kidneys still large and achy, my legs filled with fluid. But I am recovering. I started peeing and now just need to wait for the waist to leave my body. And this post will help me sort out what happened this weekend.

First off what the hell is up with us racer-type-bloggers naming our posts “Race Report”? Like the worst childhood memory is brining the REPORT card home so that I could accept my spanking for being “stupid”. I really love all the judgmental overhead … but that is just my feelings right. Picked up that baggage in early humanhood.

So this is my race account. This is what I remember and to be honest the only mistake I feel was to get caught up in the dysfunctional race mentality. I sound angry? Hell yes. At myself mostly. I feel like a failure. I feel stupid.

When I started to feel that pain in my back just below the rib cage I knew I better stop. I was being stupid. How could I fall into this dysfunctional suffer-fest mentality. And now there was this pain from the swelling of my kidneys and my legs suddenly swelling like sponges soaking up water.

“Make it to that corner”, I told myself, “turn left, and just ride until someone helps you”. “Stay upright … stay upright.”

When I traveled to Rapelje I brought with me a new plan to ride my bike consistently without pain and have a great time setting a personal best.  All without suffering. I know it can be done … the Western States winner this last weekend Tim Olsen uses fat and a low carb diet. He is fat adapted. And he smiles so freaking much he must be having fun. So I wanted to enjoy a big-ol ride and have a blast.

“So this ultra guy is going to try and beat you. His friends told us that he is going to win”, were the first words I hear when I arrived. That is where the unraveling started, my cortisol released and I went out of my mind. The fun race was forever lost. I was so stupid.

“Some guy from Big Sky is gunning for you Bill”, another person stopped by to proudly announce.  like … Is anyone freaking happy to see me?  I should put up a booth entitled “Stop by to tell Bill How He is Going Down”.  I mean why do people do this?  I have never done that to anyone. Or am I just stupid?

I kept the bike upright and must have coasted all the way back to town. It was lap 5. One kind person found me wondering in the street and directed me to a shady spot and somehow convinced me to take a break. At least that is what she told me later when I started to feel better. The more I relaxed the more I started to shiver and prepare to puke. But then that would invoke a cramp .. you know how it goes. The rewards for being stupid. What kind of person willfully wonders around suffering. The beauty of life is to ride and smile. To soak up the terrain.  And ride. Somehow I lost my way. What happened?  I only had good intentions when I lined up for the race. To have fun. And explore my body.

Previously on the first lap I was looking around trying to pick out these hordes of people who came there to kick my ass.  All I knew is that there was these dudes there to do nothing but beat me.  Where were they? The first lap I rode a bit with a front-runner from Missoula … Dave. Cool guy and someone I know for being strong … definitely a guy that wasn’t there to destroy me. I found it comforting to ride with him.  Then it happened. Some guy in a Rockford / Power bar jersey made a move on us. This guy was hanging back with us but now surged ahead on a climb. All team riders surge from the start but this guy hung back a little.  Only a solo rider would do that.  I needed to stay with this person. Right? Or am I being stupid again?

“This is him” I thought to myself, “This is him”. And I tore off after him. And I totally ripped myself apart to stick with him. Untill he just rode away.  Then I saw the Rockford rider zipping up the hill out for lap 2. I was like 7 minutes behind already … ON LAP1.

I slowed down thinking I would try to hold back and not blow up.  Oh yea … one thing. I was fasted and planned to burn fat. I wondered where my body would come up with the energy to cover 40 minutes of all out racing. I figured I would settle back to my plan. Then some solos caught me and just rode my wheel.  Weird because I figured that they should be concerned that we were losing big time to some mysterious ass-kickers out front. I slowed even more and let them go ahead. I did not feel like a social ride at this point.

On lap 2 the two riders I passed in the timing tent caught up and started pestering/talking/chatting me again. I don’t know about anyone else but I went there to ride. Not sit around and talk about life and riding the tour divide. Seemed weird. I wanted to be left alone so I went a little harder; again bailing on my plan. It wasn’t long before was frazzled determined to catch back up to that solo out front. He must be slowing down soon I wondered.  It was like 100 degrees out and hotter than hell. Stupid heat.

One can NOT go hard on body fat alone but can go forever quickly with nothing. Without water … did I say all my water was frozen? A bright idea … why doesnt water thaw out fast when you are thirsty?  And then why wasn’t I stopping to fix my brakes. Why did I need to fix my brakes? For some reason my perfectly tested and awesome bike had really low almost flat tires and the brakes were rubbing real bad.  The squealing was hard to take. Where did the air in my tired go? So many questions … maybe the results of being stupid.

But I was focused. I couldn’t stop to discover my brakes were loosening up. I couldn’t stop to pump up my tires … where did that air go anyway? I couldn’t stop for anything because I felt like there were like 5 super heroes out front intent on destroying me.

I am so stupid.

At the end of lap 4 this one solo rider caught up, AGAIN, and started talking my ear off.  I reported that I didn’t feel well and slowed down to let him ride ahead. I faked like I was stopping twice but he would wait for me. Strangest behavior ever. Back at the scoring table I took some time to check all the score sheets. I was shocked to learn that I was actually maybe leading the race. I learned that the Rockford rider was really on a team.

The only way to tell categories apart was a little marking on the plate.  I had “SM” which meant solo men … right?  The Rockford rider that surged had “5M” … 5 man team right?  Only the person handwriting the acronyms on the plates had such horrible writing skills that all “5”s looked like “S”s. And to make things worse all score cards were mixed up this year making identifying competition almost impossible.

But I was there for fun. To ride. To explore. Why was I caught up in confusion about the super human racers there to beat my ass.  I am so stupid.

I should have known to sit down and re-evaluate. To pump up my tires. To fix my brakes.  And why was my perfectly tuned bike suddenly giving me such grief? I figured I would just take extra vitamins to cover up my discrepancy.  Whatever; I thought. Now I was forced to sit down and evaluate. I was out of the race … in 5 short hours… OUT! Not my decision. My kidney’s decision.

I am so stupid.

4 hours later I took a test lap because I was feeling better and back to eating and drinking.  But now my chest hurt. I figured this year’s race was totally over for me and went to bed. I woke up around 5 and people were still churning out laps. Whatever … I went back to bed. But I couldn’t fall asleep.

hat happened to me? Was my plan actually STUPID? I finally decided to try my game plan all over again. I got up and made some butter coffee. A half hour later I was back out on course FINALLY alone to ride at my original plan.  I felt great and ripped out 4 faster laps then the day before.  I had to do it. To prove to myself that I at least showed up with a good plan. Screw all the misguided jaw yammering and competition.  I know now that if I was there alone I could have held 1 hour laps and set a PR.

That was good enough for me and I drove home. So yea … my account is that I was very stupid. And I plan to remedy this entire thing by canceling some races in favor of some fun stuff. And maybe this will be my first smart decision ever.

 

24 Hours of Rapelje Web Site  

To travel 333 miles in 24 hours I would need to average 13.9 miles per hour overall throughout a 24 hour period. That is 29 laps! My best effort at Rapelje is 235 miles at 11.8 miles per hour, even though in 2011 I traveled 243 miles but quit earlier. Maybe I should just shoot for a three hundie. I would just need to average 12.5 miles an hour, or 26 laps. With the 2013 course set at 11.8 miles a lap I would come around under an hour each time.  This means I may waste time in the pits which slows my average speed.  Maybe 20 second pit stops are in order.  Or should I just worry about securing a five-peat. I have never won anything five times in a row.

History

2009 [Post] 7 laps 99.4 miles (12.4 mph) – 1^st
2010 [Post] 16 laps 235 miles (11.8 mph) – 1^st
2011 [Post] 16 laps 242.95 miles (10.01 mph) – 1^st
2012 [Post] 16 laps 184.92 miles (1–2) (8.04 mph) – 1^st

Yesterday I “Rounded up Sheep” and this morning I did the “Morning 70“. And I feel great. Which is surprising. Usually I am left with the munchies and the inability to get off a bed. The journey is never consistent is it? Like a game of Jenga. You build a foundation and then start taking from it to go higher … faster.

So I must be doing something right lately. I have taken out blocks left and right and my fitness and body are taking it in stride. But I do know that if I continue then the tower will fall.  So I am thinking about a rest block and taper before the Rapelje 24 Hour Race in two weeks.

“The trick to jenga”, I explain to my opponent, “Is to get aggressive. And pay attention to which blocks will eventually un-weight other blocks.” And then as I take out my next block … FAIL.

So while things are pretty solid I think I will taper off to see how well I built my tower in Rapelje.

Lately I am just zipping down the trail and reacting to whatever comes my way. I have no time to do the comfortable and planned things in life. Like blog, take photos, or watch movies. I would like to correlate life as of late to water sports. Water much like skiing requires so much faithful agility. You react to what comes your way and maneuver around trouble areas.

Blogging helps me think about what is going on and express it in a way that helps me understand from another point of view. And to other readers it is something else. When you are showing the world how you navigate the waters others will stop by and watch.

Some readers, I am sure, study my posts for tid-bits of information. Someone told me they read my blog for wisdom. I like information because I certainly don’t know how wise what I do is healthy.

Sometime you react in a way that is beautiful. Like the beauty of a fan of water spraying from the underside of your craft. So things are coming my way lately and I am reacting. I wish i had more time to write about it and to extract the beauty of it all. But maybe if I wrote it all out it will be at least something to someone.

I came around the corner and there was a black bear charging towards me. I quickly jumped off my bike and readied myself for battle.

No one knew I was out here 20 miles from Bozeman in the Gallatin Range. I was riding my bike alone. That is what I have done lately. I have become a loaner lately and prefer to ride my bike far from home then sit  alone with no one to talk to.

And now I was facing down a bear. I raised my bike over my shoulders but the beast did not even noticed. At the last moment I tried to alert the bear with my voice. “Up up up” I shouted. A phrase I usually yell at a bike racer going up a hill. But this is all that I could mutter at this time.

With that the bear reeled and headed off in the opposite direction. Relieved I placed my bike back on the trail. The big guy didn’t even see me and was running from a sound which was probably my brakes bouncing off the canyon walls. He was not attacking me at all. A total miscommunication.

It is common to feel that just because you are moving you don’t have to worry about sunburn. Because the wind is cooling your skin … right? Specially if you ride your bike fast enough. And then again, maybe I don’t ride my bike fast enough. As you can guess by the theory above I did get a sunburn yesterday. I guess I missed the memo … summer is here.

Last night was the first time back on my bike since I got sick. And it felt good. I am surprised at how fast I am bouncing back. Still though, I am cautious about doing anything strenuous for a couple more days. I still havent visited my email inbox and stuff-to-do list. Still behind but making progress. Sadly for me I am getting depressed. The race this weekend in Helena is a no go mostly because I just got off sickness but I am not fit for the bike racing aspect.  And then I learned that I didn’t make registration for the 12 hour race next weekend. Major bummed out … MAJOR!

I still cough, violently at times. Yesterday … fatigued; but today I feel a little better. When my first signs of the infection appeared last Thursday I should have taken evasive action with elderberry tincture. And then when I knew I was going down hard I should have at least hit the oscillococcinum. But I didn’t and now I am in a hole digging out. And I should know better because I follow Ben Greenfield religiously. With a little research (mostly here) I know this much:

• oscillococcinum – can shorten the duration of colds and flu symptoms. Yasmin Nibbe
  
• pure absorbic acid – 1 to 2 grams every hour until you get loose stools. Dr. Daniel Chong
• stragalus – twice a day. Zia Hernandez
• elderberry tincture – when first symptoms appear. Ben Greenfield
• collodial silver spray or DHEA – to boost immune system, like before meeting others that may be sick, like at airports. Justin Mager, MD
• NO SUGAR – sugar suppresses the immune system for 5 to 6 hours. Ross Pelton
• oil of oregano – is a powerful anti-viral and anti-inflammatory and can end yeast infections.  Ben Greenfield

And yet … I never follow my advice.  Argh!  Well today I think I can ride … we will see how that goes.

I am back to work but all is not well. I cough … a lot sometimes. I can tell my lung capacity is low and my ambition to go outside nill. Even though it is beautiful out with hints of summer. But not yet. I am making my journey back out from sickness. So I got all my bags mounted and my bike is ready for the ride out.

When your healthy things are easy. And some of them you take for granted. Like ambition. To go outside or to get something done is relatively easy. But sick the ambition thing is missing. Dishes stack up and the house becomes a mess. Elements of depression like ice-cold water into your boots on a mountain stream crossing come calling. If you were healthy it would be like crossing a bridge over the icy water. Effortless and something taken for granted. Ambition is like a bridge to adventure.

Rest is an element of being sick that is of utmost importance. In contrast to an adventure where rest is something that just comes along in patches and as opportunity arises.

I have a long way to go to get better. Some think that as soon as there over the hump they are better. Not me. I am not better until I am back to full speed. So it can be weeks or months before I have full lung capacity and can maybe do an ultra race or two. Until then it is slowly introducing things as ambition comes back. In contrast with adventure. The journey with sick SUCKS. The journey in life and adventure is beautiful.

This is how I got here. I landed in this new valley they call “Hyalite”. At first I wasn’t impressed but when does one get the real story upon first glance. And that was the problem. I couldn’t see around. I lite upon a branch to check out my surroundings.

Lucky for me I found the very bird I was here to see. Hcir, a bird that knows his way around had invited me to stay at his nest. And to “try out” for the latest job position. As the valley nut counter. And just like that Hcir appeared on the ground in front of me. He was doing his job as a nut and seed inspector. It was his job to make sure there were no rogue or poisonous nuts planted by the Cottonwood Gang. A notorious gang of Robins that hung out in the valley across the ridge.

I wanted to tweet out but knew he was busy. Besides my interview was about to start. I followed the directions to the meeting spot. Red cabin off the south end of the porch at “the bush”. Seems weird but good enough for a bird … right? I met up with Ellehcim who briefed me on the position and all that good stuff.

In the end I got the job. Now I am officially a nut counter. And since then the skies have cleared enough for me to realize that this is indeed a beautiful place. I think I like it here. But I am busy counting nuts … argh.

Then one day a robin flew in and took the place over. And it changed my job title to seed inventory specialist. I really don’t like seeds … I prefer nuts. So have decided to just count seeds until I can make new plans. I mean can we really trust robins anyway?

Just this morning the robin was nowhere to be seen. It was last seen running from a cougar. And now I wonder why I fretted so much about wanting to count nuts. I mean who cares. In the end life is so fragile. Really life is just to short to count anyway. It is one’s surroundings that matter. Fly away … and play.

I think that I finally found a place on the floor, or maybe it was a certain position, that enabled me to grab some sleep. I moved from bed to bed and my back was hurting so bad I was just moments before toggling my search from a comfortable place to a way to kill myself. When I was able to find a place that my back wasn’t throbbing the liquid in my lungs started to fill up my chest. Gargling I would sit up gasping for air. Any movement like this would engage my coughing hell. I felt like I was drowning most of the time. So even if I could find a comfortable place I couldn’t breath.

It is now Tuesday, mid-day, and I am just now realizing I have not been to work in two days. I must have slept because I am on the mend. Still disabled by my lack of air or lung capacity I must fight my way back home and hope for another night of real sleep. Only then can I think about adventure.

I have a wheezing sound coming from my lungs and if I take a deep breath I start coughing. I blame the “Performance Review” season. Why? Because my supervisor has kids. And last week he was out with a cold … pretty bad one in fact. Then two days ago we had my performance review. And now … chest cold symptoms. Time to call in sick. This is the problem with society … other people. I want to be out in my backyard. Alone. With no one else around.

I wonder how the mountains kick a cold. When clouds congest their rocky cliffs and summits. The winds suggest they are coughing and one realizes they have a cold. And indeed … it is cold out.

Well, most likely they do what we do. Wait it out. Eventually the offending moister and storms subside and the remnants flow to the sea. The sun comes out and spring begins again. We all notice it and go to visit them … to see how they faired.

And they are still there, no matter what. Through stormy weather and sunshine. Always there. Just like I try to be … just have to break free from society.

Been stuck at Window Rock Cabin since last weekend. Stranded with no hope of rescue. Sure, I am writing this blog from the comforts of my home. But my mind seems trapped up in Hyalite Canyon. The week is going by just like it has always done. Work, sleep, work, and sleep. And the future is the same. Travel … blah blah blah. But first I have to get my mind out of Hyalite. Maybe I will go up there this weekend looking for it.

I dream of having nothing to do but to go for a walk. I dream that the most important events of the day are taking a photo and trying to figure out what kind of bird just landed on the rail outside. Nothing to do. Just the cabin and I.

Last weekend was my first stay at Window Rock. It is so close to a main road that it is almost impossible to rent. As luck would have it the road is closed 12 miles down the valley from April 1st for a month or so. Perfect for someone who is willing to travel without a car. Perfect for me. And the cabin felt perfect.

Sitting there sipping my coffee on the front porch in the mornings is my favorite thing to do at Window Rock. As the wind swooshes through the pines and the clouds roll over the cliffs my caffeine beverage takes hold and the world seems a perfect place.

And in a perfect world I am on an endless adventure. And so I set down my cup and head off into the woods.

Some say there is a thing called sleep momentum. Yea! It’s an real thing … I think. I may have the term wrong but that is not my point of mentioning it. My point is that I went right back to sleep and the dream I had continued. I know this because it started out with the same scene. The mountains at dusk from the Hyalite road.

Some say spring is a glorious time. Others disagree because just as temps get into the 70s a huge snow storm and cold snap hit. Disappointed people wonder when summer will arrive. Me? I am not shocked when its cold out, even in summer. Snow is not un-expected as well. Maybe it is because I meet up with so much. Not from spring and summer storms. From encountering it out on an adventure. On hot and nice days I am not in town BBQ-ing and soaking up rays. No! I have bike packed out-of-town and climbed until I find snow. And diversity. I feel drawn to it. So when it is time to leave the road and push my bike through three feet of snow I am actually giddy.

Some say that two is better than one. I am not going to argue with that I guess. Sometimes when I am alone on an adventure I could swear I have company. Sometimes I even break out in conversation. Some call this talking to oneself. And in my dream as I stumbled over the snow bank my friend came rolling up and dismounted.

Some say sharing an adventure makes it more fulfilling. I think that is true. Either it a spot tracking device linking you to onlookers via the inter-webs or simply having a buddy along I believe it very rewarding. Maybe that is why I share my experiences in my blog even though I tout that is an outlet.

And as my dream became more fulfilling the sunlight of a new day broke through the cabin window and woke me up.