I must break out. That lack of a special place is my driver. I leave my apartment and start spinning up the street. I cross a walking bridge and really I notice nothing. I am in my head. There is so much in there it feels like a headache. I turn left.
It’s all automatic to me. I spin along. Affecting the world without knowing it. I roll along, not paying attention to the smaller things. Thinking about my work day and how lazy I feel. I need to break free.
“Hey, bro … get off the pavement. Head east”, I hear coming from the lagoon as I pass over the bridge. I stop and look. Is there a troll? Boon-docker under the bridge? Did I hear that?
It is a way off, but I see it because I can make out its eyes. They roll back down and focus on a little swimmer just below the surface of the water. Surely the creature didn’t just talk to me. I head East.
I pass the hospital and stop at a gate, open it and follow the fence line. It is hard to focus on my issues now. I can’t just roll along. I must pay attention to the pitfalls on the surface and avoid the pesky cactus here and there. When I reach another gravel road, I start up that. And I climb.
It is not my special place; I know. But it is a place for right now. I look forward to the next section of my journey. The next ridge. Heading down the other side. Passing flowers along the way. I stop to contemplate turning around. My gravel bike may not be the vessel for ripping down this singletrack. To heck with that, I drop the ridge, now totally focused on the terrain. One false move and I slip out of control and possibly crash.
I make it to the bottom of the hill without incident except for multiple grins. Clouds gather and I turn and join another gravel road. This valley is more exciting with a threatening storm on the horizon. Not my special place either, but close.
Today’s work and its mind sucking effects have all but rattled out of my head. And I continue. Maybe I will find what I am looking for if I just keep riding. Hours pass and vast patches of meditation make the measure of time non-existent.
I ride back into full sunshine and know maybe I need to return home. Not that I have to, but I felt that a burger and a beer might be something nice. At the next fence-line, I head back. Another fence, another barrier. Like work. A barrier to my special place.
I will not find my place tonight. But I will. For now, I must return. Tomorrow it is back to the grind. Not that I think about it now. Because I have found a lot of things that are more relevant. More things that grab my attention. Ot are nice to get out of the grind once in a while.