It’s Friday and still have not read my performance evaluation that I received a week ago. Last week I was “bitching” about my job  so we are all up to date with my situation. This part of work life seems like fat biking in deep snow after a blizzard. The terrain is undulating and sweeps from crusty hard snow banks to knee deep powder. All pushing a heavy bike.

So why am I bitching about fat biking? I do it all the time. To clairify I am not griping, at least I don’t think I am. Even though it is tough it is also enduring in a moderately extreme environment. It’s pretty tough at times. But in the end you make it to the destination. Along the way you learn, adapt, and grow. Otherwise you wouldn’t of made it to the end. You are forced to hit the obstacles head on and push through.

My performance review said “Meets Standards”. Hard to believe even after working in the extreme. Like being hired for one thing and then told to do something totally uncomfortable and new. I must of adapted. Or I have learned “the system”? I don’t know. Just trying to spin it positive. Problem is that I don’t feel I meet standards. I feel like a total failure. Others have adapted and now are productive. I still just sit there and say, “Duh???”.

So where does this leave me? It is like I set out in a blizzard anticipating a fun and challenging time. Then the sun comes out and I end up doing a road ride or something easy. I a TOTALLY uncomfortable with it being to easy.

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