Today is a wash so why not post ‘washy’ photos. It is my way of saying I give up. When I think this I am emotionally raising the flag and giving in to the powers of whatever it is that helps me survive. In short a ‘just get to the end of the day’ coping strategy. Already this morning I got up late, did not do chores, did not try something new, did not work out, did not take the long way to work, and rebooted my computer like 3 times. Totally a wash.
I am exhausted. Not from training which is something I secretly enjoy. No it is elusive. Some things that are making me this way are the consistent travel on the weirdest of days. Like Monday mornings at 4 AM and Thursday Evenings at 3 PM. I do this to try and minimize the travel impact on my ‘want to do’ schedule. It is so I can train. But I have not been training. I am exhausted.
Something else is no sleep. It seems my circadian rhythm is unlike the rest of the planet. I work best if I can sleep from 9 to 6. Even if I stay up until 3 in the morning I cant help but waking up at 6. I have tried to explain this to many of my friends but they don’t understand. This is something I really can not help. I have done this my entire life. So if I am around a group of people … social people … who stay up past 9 then I am screwed the next day. For the last year I have been slowly depleting my sleep bank and now I am on the verge of total meltdown.
Why then do I stay on this path? Faith. Faith that if I continue to do the things I love that life will align with me. Eventually maybe I don’t have to travel as much. Eventually because I will not have to travel I can spend time doing the things I am staying up to do. And thus … get some sleep.
Eventually it all works out. Until then I’ll just continue to slog along which I seem to have a passion for.
Boneshakerbike 
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