The past four months have been a rollercoaster. The Butte 100 reshaped my views on life and racing, leading to new connections and self-discovery, followed by a return to reality. Now, I’m reverting to my solo, racing-focused self: cold, calculating, and all about enduring pain.
Racing, to me, is a microcosm of life’s struggles. And this is just a prelude to sharing overdue photos from a pivotal race.
At Pierre’s Hole 100, I took a different approach by starting slow, only to be met with intense pain midway. A month before, a night of deep conversation with a friend left me restless and distracted. Despite feeling out of sorts, I was convinced to race the PH 100, showing up emotionally raw.
For three laps, I mechanically moved through the course until a moment of clarity forced me to a halt. Overwhelmed, I finally acknowledged my feelings out loud, a breakthrough after years of emotional detachment. This catharsis unleashed a surge of energy, leading me to finish strong and win a belt buckle. For once, I truly enjoyed the race, racing with all my heart.
This isn’t the start of a love story, but an insight into my recent shift. Life, however, has a way of dulling the new and exposing the harsh. I’m off to Utah for a 25-hour race we had planned to do together, but now, I’ll be alone.
Like with the PH 100, my heart’s not in it, but it feels necessary. This could be my final race. There’s something out there in the desert for me to discover. Whether I can embrace the pain and race solo again is uncertain, but I’ll give it my all.
Boneshakerbike 
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