2003_02_22_montreal_quebec_074I have been having some weird combinations of symptoms and cant quite diagnose the issue. I am keeping an open mind to see if there is anything I need to do to learn from them. I assure you I am not taking any kind of medication what so ever and no Kettle House Beer either. I did do the Butte 100 a couple weeks ago and some things happened there to make me open to change. So here are my symptoms.

  • My dirt powers have been stripped. Like my mountain bike is … just a bike and not a chariot of speed.
  • No appetite at times and then famished at others. Like a roller coaster.
  • Almost like going into shock after a loss of blood.
  • Emotional outbursts, almost feel like weeping without seeing a sappy movie.
  • Nervous anxiety like a job interview.
  • Feel out of control.
  • Sad, scared, and helpless all at the same time.
  • Feel as if I am about to die.
  • Very nervous and jittery.
  • Physical dull but tingly pain in the middle of my chest.
  • Almost feels like a Excedrin overdose.
  • Lonely (yea, weird).
  • Feel shaky and unbalanced (not good for cycling).

I must make note that I have a long standing symptom that may or may not have something to do with this. I seem to keep the people I really love at a great distance.  I never get close to anyone local. Strange but I just realized it.

Here are some of my thoughts on what could be happening.

  • Heart attacks, numerous ones.
  • Bad reaction to combining wine and cardamom ice cream.
  • Bad reaction to candle smoke / aroma therapy devices.
  • Finally have rode my bike too much (burn out).
  • Being heartless and finally losing my actual heart. Brought on by a deprivation schema where as a child I was not empathized with or was deprived of affection, thus becoming heartless.
  • Been compromised by a cute secret agent who implanted me with a device or ideology that my body is rejecting. Could I have been brain washed? Abducted?
  • Organs were harvested (explains the tingly stomach area).

Any other suggestions?

Now some treatments and things I think I can do until I figure this all out.

  • Stay away from cardamom ice cream, candles, and wine until these symptoms go away.
  • Keep things clear and communicate with others. Seek friends and open up. Do the opposite of what I want to do.
  • Force myself to ride a bike. It has to be good for the soul.
  • Stay away from distortions and irrational thinking. Joking around is fine (so I can do this blog, it is how I am, was told it is a good quality).
  • Get a cat scan to see if all my organs are accounted for.
  • Seek out emotionally available people. Preferably ones that bike.

When I was a child my mom used to say, “Its just growing pains”. Yea! like don’t you think I have stopped growing … maybe I haven’t. Again; lack of empathy for me as a child and see what happens…o/o

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