Financial Responsibility

Reporting from the Liquid Planet here in dark (morning) downtown Missoula. The ride in town this morning was dangerous due to the road construction. I had to ride the sidewalk and a couple frost heaves may have rendered me with two flat tires when I go back to my bike when I am done here. I have ordered mocha instead of a coffee and I am feeling guilty. Enough is enough and I have decided to make a creed.

When I was hired at Sikorsky Aircraft, I thought I would regain financial independence and payoff all depts. That did not happen and the task seemed un-surmountable. I did pay off some debts but overall I ended up digging a deeper hole. I now have the car payment monkey on my back. ($600.00 a month that could go to paying off Child Support or School Loans!)

I have to change and have put in place an idea. I need to work out my mess. It seems impossible! I do not even want to face it; it feels so overwhelming and hopeless. Nevertheless, I will. Each day I must do the best I can do to be responsible for myself.

It is difficult given that I do not even have a job now. I owe over $40,000.00, and my ability to produce is at a standstill right now. I am grieving; my self-esteem is at a low; my energy is low. I do not know if I can ever untangle this nightmare. Nevertheless, it will happen. Slowly, gradually, with the help of a higher power, manageability will creep in and replace chaos.

I will begin by not spending more than I earn (in this case unemployment). I will pay back creditors, a little at a time. I am going to let go of what I cannot do, and focus on what I can do.

Someday I will be dept free. I cannot even emagine that it is possible. I want to live comfortable, with money in the bank … or Pay Pal (I have earned .50 this month on dividends). In the Sikorsky years, I did restore my credit and I will not let that go.

I want to gain a financial sanity and security. One day at a time I can restore – mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially . It may get worse before it gets better – because I am going to face reality instead of dodging it. However, once I make the decision and by writing this, I hope I am, I am on my way.