I just got done with a movie. I thought when I visited a familiar feeling. Sadness! I ask myself why after every movie I watch do I feel sadness. I mean sadness into the core of my being. I feel loss. I grieve, but I don’t know why. I just had an idea. I sat and feel and try to sort this out. I love movies because I get lost in them. They are make believe; I know. Movies let me feel the things I have never allowed myself to feel. I get caught up in the movie and fall in love, I care, and I feel compassion. Great compassion. When it is over I grieve. I never feel those things in life. I won’t let them, and I wonder why. People who know me must wonder if I fell in love or really care in sympathetic interests towards the people that are associated with me.

But wait. I do in life fall in love and care. But now I look back and reflect. I have always sabotaged those relationships. Unconsciously, I always let them go. I never have told those people how I feel about them only those That I find I can manipulate do I think I feel and I report to them I care and or love. Does this make me a vulgar person? Only if I cannot reverse this and start living!