A Neurodivergent Perspective
The transition involving the remote work agreement quickly became overwhelming. They framed it as “standard procedure,” but with the questionable connections among senior management, I could sense something was off. I didn’t fully understand all the implications, but the lack of clarity, mixed messages, and the pressure to comply made the entire situation deeply uncomfortable. I didn’t have much of a choice but to go along with it—changing plans suddenly or figuring out an alternative under so much pressure is always a challenge for me.
The July 1st Meeting: A Turning Point
On July 1st, we were called into a meeting, and I immediately felt my senses going into overdrive. Even through the screen, the brightness in the room seemed overwhelming, the murmur of people talking made it hard to focus, and then this executive, who looked like he stepped out of ‘The Big Lebowski,’ started talking. His words seemed rehearsed, like he was a politician, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more happening beneath the surface. He announced that our division would be absorbed by University Information Technology (UIT), calling it a “shared service model.” Officially, it was just a change in where the money came from, but to me, it felt more like losing my footing. The sense of independence I had counted on to keep my work routine stable was suddenly gone, and that was incredibly unsettling.
The Start of the Chaos
Soon after, my computer started showing the UIT logo, which felt like an unwanted intrusion. I know it’s just a symbol, but seeing it constantly made everything feel foreign and unfamiliar, like my workspace was no longer mine. The constant presence of the logo was a form of visual discomfort that made it difficult for me to concentrate on my work. Our direct supervisor called an emergency meeting, and his nervousness was palpable, which only added to my own stress. There were no clear instructions—everything was vague, and the ambiguity made it almost impossible for me to plan or make sense of what was coming next. The chaos left me paralyzed, stuck in this loop of needing to act but not knowing where to begin. Autistic inertia took hold, and starting even simple tasks became incredibly hard.
It became evident that the executive orchestrated this to gain control of our resources, probably to solve his own staffing issues. With our director—the only person who might have been able to fight back—out because of surgery, there was no real resistance. Our supervisor tried to stay optimistic, but I could see through it; his discomfort was almost contagious. At one point, he suggested I move to marketing. Me, in marketing? The idea was absurd. Programming is my area of expertise, and being pushed into an unfamiliar and unpredictable role like marketing felt almost painful. It’s like asking someone to abandon what makes them feel centered.
Seeking Union Support
The whole thing was getting too much, so I decided to reach out to someone in the union. Social interactions like this are difficult for me, but I had to do it. I prepared myself, rehearsing what I needed to say. She was direct and to the point, which I appreciated—it was easier for me to process. She told me that plenty of rules had been broken throughout this process, which made sense because everything felt so chaotic and wrong. Hearing her confirm that my discomfort had a basis in reality was a relief; it wasn’t just me misreading the situation.
A Possible Solution
Weeks passed, and the uncertainty only grew. Each day felt heavy, filled with mixed signals and constantly changing expectations. Then, a temporary supervisor stepped in, and she seemed alright. She communicated clearly and seemed supportive, which provided a momentary sense of stability, though I knew it could all change again. Despite this slight improvement, I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was still about manipulation and stripping away our autonomy. The executive behind all of this—well, I can’t let my guard down. His actions felt personal, almost like an attack on the predictability I rely on.
Looking Ahead: Reflections and Next Steps
Now that things are starting to settle and I have the opportunity to return to my original role at MSU, I can reflect on what’s been an incredibly challenging summer. It tested my resilience—professionally, yes—but also in terms of managing my sensory processing, my routines, and my ability to navigate social complexities that are inherently draining for me. The uncertainty and poorly communicated changes were very hard to manage and led to heightened anxiety and emotional exhaustion. The social dynamics were fraught with unspoken implications, which only added to the stress. I’m hopeful that with things getting back to a semblance of normalcy, I can recover from the burnout and emotional exhaustion. I want to reconnect with my work and maybe even regain some of the joy I used to feel when diving into my special interests. So, where were we?
Understanding the Neurodivergent Experience
The events described above capture many of the challenges that neurodivergent individuals, particularly autistic people, might face in a situation like this:
- Sensory Overload and Discomfort: The bright computer screens and the persistent UIT logo were significant sources of sensory discomfort. Even though I was dialing in remotely, the constant presence of the logo on my screen created visual discomfort, making it increasingly difficult to focus and exacerbating my anxiety. Sensory processing differences mean that what might be a minor irritation for others can become a considerable barrier for autistic individuals.
- Difficulty with Change and Uncertainty: The sudden absorption into UIT, combined with unclear instructions and shifting expectations, created an environment rife with uncertainty. For an autistic person, this kind of unpredictability is extremely challenging, leading to increased stress and difficulty in coping with the situation.
- Social Challenges and Communication Difficulties: The unclear and manipulative communication from leadership made it difficult to understand the true nature of what was happening. The need to reach out to the union for support was a daunting task that required extensive preparation. Social interactions, especially those involving advocacy, can be particularly draining and anxiety-inducing for autistic people.
- Impact on Routines and Special Interests: The disruption to the established work environment and the pressure to consider a role change to marketing threatened the stability of familiar routines and interfered with engaging in areas of special interest, like programming. This loss of control and routine can be deeply unsettling for autistic individuals.
- Heightened Anxiety and Emotional Distress: The overwhelming uncertainty, sensory overload, and social pressures resulted in heightened anxiety, emotional exhaustion, and the feeling of being completely overwhelmed. These conditions are ripe for triggering meltdowns or shutdowns, which are not tantrums but rather intense responses to overwhelming situations.
Overall, this entire scenario was a perfect storm for me: sensory overload, social challenges, disrupted routines, and persistent uncertainty. As a neurodivergent individual, this combination had a significant negative impact on my well-being, leading to burnout and a profound sense of instability.
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