Chasing Cars

It was summer and that alone should of been enough to be happy and care-free. But it wasn’t. I was struggling with emotions or maybe it was some unresolved schema. In any case I was angry, frustrated, and generally sad. I needed to take out my pent up feelings and decided on a epic, “ride until you drop”, 6 plus hour ride. I do this sometimes (well, all the time) to sort out life and to gain a certain perspective. I do it simply to get out what is pent up inside.

As I crested a hill and about to put Missoula behind me I saw a familiar figure. It was may friend. I coasted to a stop.

“What’s up”, I asked.

My friend, always glad to see me was ecstatic. I hate his optimism and happy go lucky energy. I packed all the irritating stuff into my already full queue of things to sort out on the pending ride. If I could just figure out a way to not talk to him I could get going sooner.

“I was just heading up Pattee Canyon for a ride, where are you going”, my stupidly smiling friend asked.

“Heading out, going to ride till I drop”, I replied and dropping a major hint that I just wanted to be alone.

“Oh! I let you go then. Have a good ride.”

I continued on and got about a block away. I couldn’t shake the fact that I really wanted to actually ride with my friend. Even though it was up the road. So I turned around and raced up to him. He was going slow because he knew I would be coming. He knew me all too well. I really hated that.

We rode in silence and started up the climb. The climb is only about 4 miles but gets steeper as you climb. Suddenly a car passed me and I felt this aggression. It was all the pent up stuff like anger, resentment, hurt, and whatever else bugs a human mind. I could take it out on this car I thought. Like I could never catch it … but what if I could? What if I could use my pain to be faster then a car. Then my feelings would be validated. If I caught a car, passed it, and beat it to the top of the hill I would appear to be super human. Boy, that would be something. People would say “That guy that beat a car up Pattee Canyon because he was sad. Wow, that must of have been a lot of sad”.

So I chased after every car. At first I got up to speed and tried to not let the car pass. When it did I would surge with everything I got. I would let out all my pain and demons. I would lay down all my hurt in a place that didn’t care. I was like one of those oil wells they just set on fire to burn off the excess fuel.

The first one got by me pretty well. Then the second one I actually held off for a while. I kept chasing and screaming out loud in pain by pedaling so hard I could almost break the crank arm. One car I started to gain on and thought I would pass but it sped up when the grade got steeper. Eventually my attacks grew shorter and shorter. After a while I would just have nothing. Nothing more to give. I burned it all up and had nothing more. No more pain. No more aggression. No more unresolved issues.

My friend caught up to me at the top and I was all smiles. He had his friend back. We descended back into town and enjoyed each others company for the rest of the evening over a couple of beers. Life was good and after all it was summer.

Last night I chased cars.