Discipline

The alarm went off at 6 a.m. but I figured, why should I get up. No job, no possibilities, no interviews except one, and no money. What is the use? Today I am sending off a letter to you [link=http://www.youdictate.com]www.youdictate.com[/link] and some of my friends to see if they have heard anything new. Its Thursday so tonight is the night ride. I am not looking forward to it like I usually am because I don't have a job and I am embarrassed. Am I really useless?

My problem is that I have no discipline. Children need discipline to feel secure; so do adults. Discipline means understanding there are logical consequences to our behavior. Maybe that is my problem, I have no logic. Discipline means taking responsibly for my behavior and the consequences. Who was I to think I could have a real fun summer just like in my bike riding days. I had it all back then.

Discipline means waiting for what we want. Discipline means being willing to work for and toward what we want. Discipline means learning and practicing new behaviors. Discipline means being where we need to be, when we need to be there, despite our feelings. Discipline is the day to day performing of tasks, whether these be getting a job behaviors or washing the clothes. I do that just enough for me to look discipline but in reality, I do not!

The biggest part of discipline is the ability to trust that my goals will be reached even though I can not see them. I can not do that! Look at me wanting to kill my self because I don't want to fight any more.

Discipline is grueling. I feel afraid, confused, uncertain. Later on, I am supposed to see the purpose. I do not. I herd from someone that clarity does not come from the time of discipline. Well my question is this – how long must I be disciplined? You can only fight so long. Maybe that is what is wrong with me, no endurance.

The task at hand (unemployment) is simple; trust, listen, and network. Bullshit!